


And Miles to Go Before I Sleep

by Sanalith



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-26
Updated: 2014-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-10 13:35:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2027031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanalith/pseuds/Sanalith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Belle discovers her engagement dagger is a fake. She and Rumpelstiltskin deal with the fallout.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Miles to Go Before I Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after "Kansas" but the finale makes it AU.

Belle wasn't exactly sure why she was standing outside the sheriff's office. She wasn't the type of person who felt the need to gloat or taunt, and she certainly wasn't there to offer forgiveness. But for some inexplicable reason, she needed to see Zelena.

Maybe she needed to reassure herself that Rumple's tormentor was behind bars at last, unable to hurt anyone ever again. Maybe it was to look into the eyes of the woman who'd brought about Baelfire's death. Maybe she just needed some closure, to prove that she still lived in a world where evil failed and True Love won the day.

In any case, it was something she had to do, and so here she was.

The problem, she quickly discovered, was that she was here _alone_.

Zelena's cell door was flung open, practically mocking her. Belle felt her heart rise into her throat. How was this possible? She had no magic at her disposal, no friends to provide an escape. Steel bars should have been more than enough to hold her!

Groping into her purse, Belle's hand curled reassuringly around the hilt of Rumpelstiltskin’s dagger. She still had it, which meant her love was free and uncontrolled. Without the Dark One as her slave, Zelena was hardly unbeatable. But clearly there was some sort of magic at work, and that was enough to make her hand tremble as she brought forth the dagger.

She'd promised herself she'd never use it. The fact that Rumple had given it to her was the greatest form of trust she could have possibly imagined, and she'd never betray that. She only carried it now because she hadn't yet found a good enough hiding place. But desperate times called for desperate measures, and she knew that of all people, Rumpelstiltskin could never resist a desperate soul.

“Rumple, come to me,” she whispered.

She'd expected immediate results. He never seemed to be able to ignore Zelena's commands for very long, and he was actively resisting them. Surely he wouldn't be fighting her? But when her sorcerer remained elusive, Belle frowned.

Perhaps she wasn't doing it right? She'd never read a book on the dagger before, so it would obviously be easy for her to miss important details.

“Rumpelstiltskin, appear before me right now.” Names had power, his above all others. And time frames were important, after all.

She waited a full sixty seconds, then blew out a breath, trying to control her fear. She clenched the dagger tighter, the hilt biting into her skin, and infused her voice with all the power and confidence she did not feel.

“Dark One, I summon thee to my side at once!”

Silence. No swirl of purple smoke, not a hint of spice in the air. No magic.

Belle couldn't hide her panic any longer. The witch was free, and if Rumple was not responding to his summons, she could only assume it was because he was incapable of doing so. Zelena might not be able to control him, but that didn't mean she couldn't have surprised him enough to take him out of the picture.

Stuffing the dagger back in her bag, Belle took to her heels and ran for home.

* * * * *

Belle paused only long enough to ensure the pawn shop was empty before making her way to the infamous pink mansion. She'd moved back in while everyone was gallivanting in Neverland, and even her father's castle had never felt so much like home.

But now...now she was almost scared to open the door, fearful of what she might see.

His body tossed in a careless heap across the hallway? His heart cut from his chest? Had the witch garroted him with his own golden thread?

A dozen scenarios ran though her head, but the one that greeted her when she burst through the door was as far away from any of them as possible.

Rumpelstiltskin stood in the kitchen, leisurely making a pot of tea. He smiled when he saw her enter, the tender smile reserved only for her. It never failed to melt her heart.

“Hey,” he greeted, stepping toward her. “I didn't expect you to be back from the library so soon.”

Belle couldn't believe her eyes. “I...I wasn't...I didn't...”

He frowned, taking in her wide eyes and pale face. “What's wrong, sweetheart?” he demanded. “What happened?”

For one brief moment, all Belle could feel was relief. Her love was real and whole and completely unharmed. She half-ran, half-stumbled forward and flung herself into his arms, relishing the feel of his strong body against hers. She pressed her face into his neck, breathing in his scent.

The witch didn't have him. Whatever else happened, they could deal with it. This was all that mattered.

“Belle, what on earth is going on?”

She stepped back slightly, her arms still wound around his neck.

“I went to the sheriff's office,” she admitted. “I don't know why, but I just...I had to see her. Zelena. I had to know that she was safely imprisoned, and couldn't ever hurt you...or anyone...ever again.”

She felt Rumple's arms tighten convulsively around her, and she rubbed his back soothingly. “I know, it wasn't my most brilliant plan, but now I'm especially glad I did it.” She took a deep breath. “Zelena's escaped, Rumple. The door to her cell was wide open when I came in.”

She raised her eyes to meet his, trying to gauge his reaction. The fact that the woman who had tormented him for nearly a year AND caused the death of son was now free could easily enrage him, but his expression was curiously blank. Perhaps he was trying to reign in his anger?

“I was terrified she'd come after you, hurt you, taken you prisoner again. But you're here, you're alive, and you can go after her now to make sure she doesn't hurt anyone else.”

Rumple's mouth opened and closed a few times, but no sound came out. He was finally able to whisper her name, only a choked out breath of air, but it still sent shivers down her spine.

Something was wrong...very, very wrong.

And in that moment, the pieces clicked.

“You're here,” she repeated slowly, her arms slowly unwinding from his neck. “You're alive. You're not hurt. She doesn't have you prisoner.” 

“Belle.” The pain...the _guilt_... in his voice was becoming more and more apparent.

She took a step back, then another, then another, her eyes never leaving his as she reached blindly for the dagger in her bag.

“I called for you,” she whispered. “When I saw that empty cell, I panicked. I wanted... _needed_...to know you were all right. I summoned you, and when you didn't come, I feared the worst. That she'd somehow made you her slave again, even though I held your heart, your soul, your _will_ in my hand.”

“Belle, please...”

She'd never seen him look more wretched, not even back in the Dark Castle when he'd said his power meant more to him than she ever could.

Slowly, she drew out the dagger and raised it, her hand trembling ever so slightly.

“What have you done?” she whispered.

He closed his eyes, unable the bear the heat of her gaze.

A tear trickled slowly down his left cheek.

Was this the first time the Dark One wept?

A part of her hoped so.

“Where is Zelena?” Belle demanded hoarsely, gripping the knife she was now all but certain was a counterfeit. “Where, Rumple?”

“Dead.”

She'd known, of course, from the moment her brain had caught up with her. What other answer could there be? But that didn't make hearing it any easier.

“How?”

It was, perhaps, the least important question, but it was the only one she could bring herself to ask.

“Stabbed. Shattered. Turned to dust and blown away on the wind.”

His voice was emotionless, his eyes now open but unseeing.

Belle tried to gather her own shattered self and keep control. Stay focused. Be strong.

Though a part of her wondered what the point of it all was.

“Why?” She already knew, but she wanted him to say it.

“She killed my son.” His voice was firmer now. He was on more solid ground. “I promised to avenge him. I never break my word. Not since...” The strong voice cracked. “Not since I first let him go three centuries ago. Never since then. The deal was struck. I kept it.”

Belle tried to remind herself he'd made no deal with her. She'd asked for his promise not to harm the witch, but he'd never given it. Still toying with words, but no outright lies. She had to admit that, if nothing else.

“And you think this is what Baelfire would have wanted?” she asked, managing somehow to keep her voice level. “He would have demanded vengeance, a blood price? A life for a life?”

Rumple's lip twitched. “No. Of course not. But I swore all those years ago that no one would ever take him from me again, not when I had to power to prevent it.” Finally, he forced himself to meet her gaze, and now he was the desperate soul, the supplicant on her alter of forgiveness. “I had to do it, Belle. I had to end this, once and for all, and it was the only way I could.” His brown eyes were haunted. “The things she made me _do_ , Belle,” he whispered, voice cracking. “Threatening _children_ , threatening _you_! And the madness, for that whole year, the _madness_ of having two minds inside me...” He opened his palms, pleading. “I wanted to _die_ , Belle. He should have let me _die_!”

Belle felt her heart breaking, and for one brief moment, she allowed herself to step forward, to embrace him, to cradle his head against her breast and let him weep for the child he'd lost so many times.

In that moment, he was no longer the Dark One, but a poor spinner who had no one else in the world.

“I'm sorry,” she whispered. “I'm so sorry, Rumple. It shouldn't have ended this way. But remember that you found him. That he loved you. That he forgave you.”

“And then I lost him just as completely.”

Rumpelstiltskin shuddered in her arms, and when he finally raised his tear-stained eyes, Belle had to bite back a sob. “I know I deceived you, and I'm sorry for that. But I had to kill her. I had to. For Bae.”

And Belle closed her eyes against the pain and forced herself to step away.

“No, you didn't.” She kept her voice steady. “You had a choice. You _always_ have a choice. You didn't have to kill her, but you wanted to, and you did. Not for Baelfire. For yourself. You have to admit that, Rumple.”

Head bowed, he nodded once, accepting her statement.

“I fell in love with you almost thirty years ago, knowing you weren't always a good man.” Belle took a deep breath. “You're not a monster, Rumpelstiltskin, but you are dark, and I knew that. If I wanted to be with you, I had to accept both the man you were and the man I knew you could be. The dark and the light. And I did. That's why I forgave you for tricking me about sending the wraith to kill Regina after the curse broke.” She bit her lip. “I don't condone what you did to Zelena, and I wish you hadn't done it. But I...understand. I should have known it was too much for you, with Baelfire's death. If you had come to me, told me, I might have...been able to accept it. Maybe even forgive you for it.” Her hand clenched once again around the dagger, and she lifted it up, her eyes filled with hopelessness. “But what am I supposed to make of _this_?”

If Belle thought her love couldn't look any more wretched, she was sorely mistaken. But she plunged on ruthlessly despite it, knowing that if she didn't say it now, she never would.

“I didn't ask for this. I _never_ would have. I offered it back to you. Why didn't you just take it? Why lie and tell me that you trusted me with it, that you wanted me to have it, that you were always and forever mine?” Tears stung her eyes. “Why say it if you didn't mean it?”

“I did mean it!” he swore, reaching our to touch her desperately. Belle stepped back, afraid another touch would undo her. “I meant every word, Belle. You've always been the best part of me, and I could think of no one more worth to entrust my very soul.” He allowed his hand to drop back to his side. “The fake dagger was only meant to be temporary, just long enough to kill Zelena.” His eyes locked onto hers, willing her to believe it. “I was going to give you the real one, Belle, I was!”

“And you think that makes it ok?” she demanded, finally allowing her anger to flare. “Rumpelstiltskin, you deceived me in the same breath _that you asked me to marry you_!” He flinched at that, and she was absurdly glad. “I know the rest of this town looks down on me and thinks me foolish, but did you honestly believe I was too stupid to discover the truth?”

“No! I've never thought you were anything less than the most intelligent woman I've ever met in any realm. Anyone who says otherwise is deluding himself.”

“Then why did you do it?” she cried. “How could you possibly think I would forgive this? How could you believe I'd be party to a marriage that began with a lie?”

“I don't know!” he thundered back, the tiny bit of control he had over himself shattering as cleanly as he'd shattered Zelena. “I don't know, Belle. I don't know how or why you've forgiven me in the past for all the things I've done. Gods only know why you're still here. And I don't know how you'd forgive this. I don't know.” He slumped back against the wall, the once proud sorcerer reduced to a frail human. “I don't know anything anymore.”

Belle bit back the stinging retort she wanted to make, and forced herself to take a deep breath. There was a very good chance Rumple was still suffering deeply, not only from his son's death but the torture he endured at Zelena's hand. She knew first hand how terrible it was to be held prisoner, but at least Regina had never harmed her. Not in this world or the last. She'd chained her and left her to rot, but at least she'd never been beaten or starved or, even worse, forced to threaten and hurt the ones she loved. No matter what happened between them, Belle made a mental note to try to convince him to see Dr. Hopper. She had a feeling there was some deep-seeded PTSD that needed to be worked on.

But none of that meant she could let him off the hook. He might not be completely in his right mind, but he still clearly knew what he was doing, and that was bad enough,

“Can you at least tell me why?” she asked, keeping her voice level. “I know why you had to kill Zelena, but why lie to me about the dagger? Did you...” She hesitated. “Did she not trust me to have it?”

“No,” he replied immediately, no doubts in his mind or voice. “No, Belle, you are the only person I truly trust to hold the dagger. Myself included. If you believe nothing else, please believe that.”

Belle nodded slowly. “I do believe you. But if that's the case, then why give me a fake? Why not just take the real one when I offered it to you?”

A sardonic smile touched his lips, and for a moment, Belle saw the imp shining from behind the pawnbroker's eyes. “Because I'm a coward, my dear, and it seems that nothing will ever change that.”

Belle crossed her arms. “Explain.”

Rumpelstiltskin made a gesture, small but still full of his trademark flourish, and the true dagger appeared in his hand. 

“I wanted to give you this,” he said, keeping his eyes on the carved blade that bore his name. “I had every intention of doing so.” The eyes darkened. “But then I thought about Zelena. How she tortured me, threatened me, threatened _you_ , and how she killed my son. And I knew I would never sleep another night if I didn't deal with her.” He twirled the knife slightly, allowing the blade to catch the light reflected off the setting sun. “I hadn't promised you I wouldn't kill her.” He smiled faintly. “I didn't even twist my words, as you called, as I did with Regina. I broke no promises, not even implied ones, and I killed her.”

Belle swallowed a lump in her throat at his detached voice, but nothing he said was untrue. She'd already reconciled herself with that.

“I told myself the switch was temporary,” he continued, still keeping his eyes fixed on the blade of the dagger. He clearly did not want to look at her. “I wanted you to have it. I wanted to be yours. Mind, body, and soul. But...” And here his voice cracked.

“Go on,” Belle encouraged, keeping her voice pitched low. “What changed your mind?”

Rumple snorted at that. “Nothing _changed_ , not really. I still want you to have it. But...I began coming up with excuses why it wasn't the right time. Why I might still need it. How you didn't have a fool-proof hiding place for it. How I'd be putting you at risk, making you the target, since everyone already knew you possessed it. Excuse after excuse...and finally I stopped trying.”

“But that's not the real reason, is it?” Belle pressed. “There was something else. Something deeper.”

She saw him swallow hard. “I told you. I'm a coward. I always was and I always will be.”

“No. No, you're not a coward. Not anymore.” Belle took a step forward, but still remained out of reach of his arms. “You stopped being a coward when you took your own life to protect mine and Bae's and the rest of the town from you father.”

He licked his lips. “Belle....”

“Say it, Rumple.” She took another step forward. “Look at me and say it.”

He couldn't. She wasn't sure if she thought himself incapable or if he truly was that scared, but he couldn't say it and he _needed_ to if they were ever going to get past this.

So Belle did what she swore she'd never do. He was looking so determinedly away from her that he never saw it coming.

Belle lunged forward, surprising him, and wretched the dagger out of his hands.

“Look at me and say it!” she snapped, and this time her voice rung with command and her hand vibrated with the call of magic, and he was helpless to resist.

“I couldn't stand the thought of being controlled again!” he all but snarled, his haunted eyes boring into hers like twin fires. “Not even by you. And I hated myself for it. I _wanted_ to belong to you, but that would make me weak. Vulnerable. Even a willing slave is still a slave. And I was terrified of seeing _her_ in you.”

“But you knew I would never use it on you,” Belle pressed. “You _knew_ that. So why did you still fear me?”

Rumpelstiltskin's lip twisted into a macabre smile. “Because the magic seduces everyone, dearie. Sooner or later, I knew you'd use it. When you thought you had no other choice.” He nodded at the dagger. “And you just proved I was right.”

Belle drew in a sharp breath, the dagger burning like hot coals in her hand. He was right. Magic was always the easy way out, and she'd fallen victim to it as surely as he had. 

But he'd needed to say it, and she couldn't allow herself to regret the decision.

“You feared that I'd use it, and you were right,” she said quietly. “But you also told me that I was the only person in the world you trusted with it. And this is why.”

Without hesitation, she flipped the knife in her hand and offered it to him, hilt first.

“Because I'm the only one who will always, _always_ give it back.”

“Oh, Belle.” He stepped forward, but instead of taking the dagger, he drew her into his arms, resting his forehead against hers. “Sweetheart.”

Belle felt tears finally prick her eyes. “You lied to me,” she whispered, tilting her head so her face rested against his neck. “You lied to me while you asked me to marry you!” She'd already made this point, but she couldn't help doing so again.

She felt him nod. “Yes. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry.”

“You were afraid you'd see Zelena in me.” Belle bit her lip, not wanting to ask but knowing she had to. “Did she make you see me in her?”

He tensed in her arms, and Belle immediately allowed the dagger to clatter to the floor. She wanted no more forced confessions. He squeezed her gently in acknowledgment, and took a deep breath, allowing his freedom to give him the courage he always claimed he never had.

“She wanted me to choose her of my own free will. At first, her jealousy was solely focused on Regina. Her eternal rival. But then she decided it wasn't enough simply for me to see her as the most powerful woman in the world. She wanted...everything else. My respect. My affection. My...desire.”

“She wanted your heart,” Belle said, almost fiercely.

“But it already belonged to you,” he agreed, pulling her even closer. “She couldn't stand it.”

“Did she...” Belle hesitated. “Did she...force...”

“No,” he replied immediately, wanting to spare her the pain of even the thoughts. “No. That wasn't her goal. What she truly wanted, the dagger could not give. Not even the power of the Dark One can create love where there is none.”

Belle rang her fingers through his hair in the way he liked best, calming both of them. “But she did something, didn't she?”

Sighing, he allowed her to take some of his weight as he slumped forward. “One night, when she was tired of me rejecting her advances, she ordered me to look at her and...see you.”

“Oh gods,” Belle whispered, tightening her grip on him.

“When she allowed the illusion to wear off...I think I went a bit mad.”

“Why didn't you say anything?” she demanded. “Why even try to give me the dagger when you knew you were still suffering?”

Learning back, he looked her in the eye. “How many times do I have to tell you?” he asked tiredly. “I'm a coward. I wanted you to have it so I didn't have to be in control anymore. I was tired of fighting, tired of trying to the right thing only to realize it was an impossible task.” He laughed bitterly. “I knew I'd never be the man you deserved unless you _made_ me. But when the time came...I realized that I was too weak even for that.” He shook his head. “I'm sorry, Belle. I don't know what else to say or do. But I am sorry. I hope you'll at least believe that.”

Drained, Belle loosened her hold, and they both stepped back. The dagger lay on the floor between them, where Rumple had dropped it, as though it had become a line of demarcation.

“What do we do now?” she asked softly.

Rumple shrugged, his eyes still haunted. “Now I suppose I help you pack your things. You can move back into the loft above the library, of course, but I own several homes currently uninhabited, and you're at liberty to choose any of them, if you wish.”

Belle's head whipped up. “You're kicking me out?” she demanded.

He cocked his head. “Not as such, but...surely you didn't plan to stay, after all that?”

Fighting the urge to both laugh and cry at the same time, Belle simply shook her head. “Someday, Rumpelstiltskin, I am going to get it through your thick head that I don't run away whenever the going gets tough.”

His eyes widened. “Belle...”

“This doesn't mean I forgive you,” she warned sharply. “And it doesn't mean I'm not still mad, or that we're not going to have many, _many_ more long talks about this. But when I say I love you, I mean _all_ of you, whatever that entails.” She reached out and grasped his hand tightly. “Once upon a time, we made a deal. I go with you, forever. And no one breaks a deal with _me_!”

With a half-laugh, half-sob, Rumpelstiltskin pulled her fiercely into his arms, and Belle felt herself being lifted off the ground, completely in his power, and unafraid.

“How can I ever repay you for such unfaltering belief in me?” he whispered, his mouth at her ear, his voice sending shivers down her spine.

“By trusting me. By believing that I can handle the truth. By understanding that even though I will never agree with some of the things you do, I will still love you regardless. And by knowing that I will never, ever leave you. Because I do love you, Rumpelstiltskin. And I'll never stop.”

“I'll never be the man you deserve,” he warned, but his grip tightened. “I've tried and failed.”

“But you'll always be the man I want,” she replied, her voice soft and sweet.

It was a horribly cliched line, but she couldn't bring herself to care, because it was so very, very true.

“And,” she added, her voice slightly harder, “you're going to keep trying. That's the real deal between us. That you never stop trying.”

“I fear that I'll fail more than I succeed,” he admitted, “but you're right about one thing, You're stronger than anyone ever gives you credit for – not your father, not me – and that needs to change.” He hesitated. “I'll start with that.”

And what more could she ask for at this moment?

He was still fragile from his ordeal, and she was still terribly raw from the pain of his deception. But what good was True Love if it didn't mean putting one another back together again when no one else could?

“Will you marry me, Rumpelstiltskin?”

He stiffened, and she swore her ribs would crack if he held her any tighter.

But when he breathed acceptance into her ear, Belle didn't care one bit.

Their path was never easy, but nothing worth fighting for ever was. And they could begin with this.


End file.
